Long Haul Marriage

On my way down to Granite Shoals for our Evergreen Women’s Retreat, I got a text that said, “My dad just died. Wanted you to know. Will talk to you later.”

It was from our dearest friends Toby and Diana in Ada, Oklahoma and the cancer diagnosis had come only 2 short months ago. As an empath, it’s a strange feeling and learned skill to hold such sad, heavy news, while also staying focused and locked in to the task at hand. (helping to host and lead our weekend retreat) Learning the art of holding both joy + sorrow at the same time is tricky, but one of the most important and sweetest things I’ve learned in my life.

After an incredible weekend at Evergreen, I’d be coming in late Sunday night and leaving for Ada early the next morning for B to do the memorial service and for us to be there with our friends to celebrate the life of Toby’s dad and as they begin to process this devastating loss.

Bud and Judy were married for 62 years (can you even imagine??! I just keep thinking the unimaginable loss- and the rich legacy) and he was a preacher for 47 years (wowza!), all while serving his family first and living a life of honor and integrity. He’s also one of the most hilarious guys you’ll ever meet with the craziest sense of humor- and the ability to laugh at himself.

Toby and Diana and their 3 kids (they’re like niece and nephews
to us), have lived next door to Bud and Judy for 20 years - so to say that they are close is an understatement. They are involved in the fabric of each other’s daily lives- while also living their own lives too.

B did such a beautiful job at honoring Bud and the family. I’d like to share something B shared at the service as a tribute to this incredible man, Bud Ross, and because I believe it will bless your life with perspective and a way to move forward with meaning after loss.

Brian said, “Finally, before I close in prayer, I want to let Bud speak directly to us from a sermon he gave…

“The Bible has a lot to say about time. Time can be used or wasted, it can be invested or squandered, but either way, once used, it can never be regained. Time matters because we have such a limited supply. The most famous Bible passage about time in Ecclesiastes 3:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”
‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3‬:‭1‬-‭8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Bud went on to say, “That's a poetic way of saying, "All of my time belongs to God, therefore how I spend my days is a sacred issue.” A few years back I knew a man whose cancer was in remission, but the doctors told him his cancer would almost certainly come back and they planned to do a bone marrow transplant if, in fact, it did, which they said probably would, but they couldn't be sure. So the man didn't know whether he was living or dying or both. Let me ask you this, how was his prognosis any different from yours or mine? I stand here today as a dying man speaking to dying people.
Time is precious to each of us. Don't waste it.”

Whew! I hope Bud’s words bless you today as much as they continue
to bless me. I don’t want to waste a second of this one wild and precious life I’ve been given. What a gift. 💛

Are you hesitating to say YES? And maybe even have every reason to say no?? Maybe it’s time to say yes to you.

Our Evergreen Summer Women’s retreat is this weekend and we still have room for YOU! 🫵🏼

This room back in February had many women in different seasons of life who weren’t exactly sure what to expect of our Evergreen retreat.

They were women of faith.
All in different journeys…
Some feeling close to God…
Some questioning Him…

Many just trying to catch a breath from life!

Our Evergreen Summer is this weekend - Friday night through Sunday morning in Granite Shoals, Texas at a beautiful house on the lake! ☀️🌲

If you are feeling a tug or have a friend who wants to join you… Please reach out to us, or see more details and sign up here:

https://evergreen-summer-26.netlify.app

💜 New podcast out today! 💜

Can troubled marriages be saved?

After hearing Tucker Carlson’s recent reaction to Father Stephen De Young’s statement that marriages that have been blown up and nearly destroyed can truly be saved and transformed, Brian and I wanted to jump into this conversation and emphasize something we see all the time: troubled marriages can absolutely be restored. 🙌🏼

We’ve witnessed it firsthand for more than 30 years. It’s one of the reasons we’re so passionate about what we do. When two people are willing to commit to change, do the hard work, stay consistent, and invite God into the process, incredible transformation can happen. We’ve seen it in countless couples- and we’ve experienced it in our own marriage as well.

In today’s episode, we talk about what is often at the root of the bombs that eventually explode in a marriage. We discuss the importance of healing past wounds, addressing unresolved trauma, and confronting the lies those wounds have caused us to believe about ourselves, others, and God. In many cases, true restoration isn’t about putting the old marriage back together. It’s about building something entirely new- a stronger marriage built on a new foundation, with two people walking in their true identity in Christ rather than the broken identities life has handed them.

No matter where you find yourself today- whether your marriage is thriving, struggling, or hanging on by a thread- we want you to know that we’re here for you. 🫱🏼‍🫲🏻

As always, thank you for listening and for supporting Long Haul Marriage.
🔗 Link to listen-

https://open.spotify.com/episode/30cGi8WpwoWWmHEdjmIsKh?si=hqLsBCQMSouF6tCyowSDLg

We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a comment, send us an email, and don’t forget to share this podcast with someone who might need a little hope today.

For more information, check out www.longhaulmarriage.org and be sure to subscribe to our monthly newsletter.

To schedule a coaching session with Brian and Jamie, visit https://calendly.com/longhaulmarriage. To book Long Haul Marriage for a workshop or retreat, email [email protected] or [email protected].

Thoughts on CELEBRATION 💬🥳

In today’s short and sweet podcast episode, we wish all you moms a happy belated Mother’s Day 💝 and happy birthday to me! 😁🎊🎈

We discuss the value in celebrating the ones you love and taking the time and effort to make them feel seen and special! I also brag on B for how he has always been super intentional and thoughtful in celebrating me. 🥹🥲

It doesn’t take booking a trip to Greece or Paris (although, ‘she’ wouldn’t mind those at all! 😆), to make your spouse (or anyone else) feel seen, appreciated, and loved.

Many of us grew up in homes where we celebrated big - all the things! 🥳 And some of us learned that celebrations are for other families. Many of us shy away from anyone “making a big deal” of us, perhaps fearing that we’re not worthy of the fuss.

Have you ever stopped to wonder if you have some complicated thoughts around celebrating others or being celebrated?🤔

Wherever you find yourself, it’s never too late to add the important practice into your life of celebrating those you love - the big stuff AND the small stuff. We can never be celebrated too much! 💐💌🎁🧸🍫

I’d love to hear your thoughts on celebrating….what’s something super thoughtful that someone did to celebrate you? What’s your favorite way to celebrate? How was it in your family growing up? Who can you celebrate today? Comment 👇🏼👇🏼

In the words of Kool and The Gang, “Celebrate good times, come on!”🎉🥳🙌🏼

🔗 Link to listen -

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3S2p9gmLIrmAYuZMNm5Abx?si=UTyb4RwiR_qpLZX8dRzORA

As always, thanks for listening, and supporting Long Haul Marriage! We appreciate you! ♥️

We would love to hear from you - drop us a comment, or email us, and remember to share this podcast.

👉🏼 In today’s Long Haul Marriage Roadcast episode, Brian and I talk about the concept of MARGIN in our lives. We admit that we don’t always have enough of it, and how much of a battle it can be to intentionally build it into the rhythm of our busy, hectic schedules.

I share my own mental struggle of constantly feeling like I should be “doing something else” (an inner restlessness), and how that mindset robs me of fully settling in and enjoying whatever I’m doing in the moment.

I also talk about some practical ways I’ve been “practicing” saying no to that pesky inner voice that keeps urging me to move on to the next thing- learning to value what I’ve chosen to do (or who I’m with) enough to stay present, without feeling pressure or guilt to rush ahead.

Our hope is that you’ll feel encouraged to enjoy your life more fully- allowing yourself to be content in the moment, saying no to the competing voices clamoring for your time and attention, and practicing PRESENCE as you begin to build margin into your life. 📝🙌🏼

🔗 Link to listen. We’d love it if you’d share!

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0K0y4b5Ocgo3ISJg3jLvfP?si=CP6cglrGQsCLNQ0tDIqquA

Mindset Monday

Remember the notebook paper we had in elementary school? 📝That’s what I think of whenever I hear the word margin. Those little red and blue lines were there to tell us where to stop writing, and I always tended to disregard and go outside the lines – imagine that! Even if I didn’t write past the lines, I would doodle and draw pictures around the margins of the page. 🙃🤓

In business, margin is the difference between your cost and the selling price.

No matter how you look at the word margin- in any kind of context- it means an allowance for space.

If you were to look at my closet or my calendar, you would be correct in saying I like stuff! I love a full life! If there was a scale of minimalist to maximalist, I would be tipping the scale towards maximalist, that’s for sure! ( I can picture Brian agreeing aggressively as he reads this! 😆)

Maybe it’s a shift of perspective as I age, (I’m pushing 60 as I’m knocking on the door of 59 next week!), but I find myself now actually craving that space that’s created by having that margin. Maybe less IS more?? 🤔

Maybe that’s why as I prayed about my word for the year, I felt like it was SPACIOUS. God keeps revealing more to me about what that means for my life. 🙏🏼🙌🏼

Don’t get me wrong, I think I’ll always have a natural bent to enjoy a fun, full life of activity, and I don’t think I’ll ever prescribe to the capsule wardrobe situation, but I really do see the value in creating room in every area of my life for SPACE… to create, to rest, to feel, to breathe, to think, to process and express emotion, to read, to be present in the moment with myself or with a friend, for quiet, to move my body… and whatever else I grow into through the years.

The margin is where the magic happens. ✨ It’s where I can sense the Holy Spirit IN me speaking TO me and it’s the place where mysteries and secrets are revealed.

I used to equate full, packed, fast moving, non-stop, busy with productivity. Now I’m seeing that life is better, more purposeful, and dare I say, even more productive and efficient, when I move through my day grounded, still, intentional, spacious.

Cheers to living life with margin- yet still enjoying coloring outside the lines! 🥂🩷💛💚🧡🩵

“Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Come to me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis. Simply join your life with mine. Learn my ways and you’ll discover that I’m gentle, humble, easy to please. You will find refreshment and rest in me. For all that I require of you will be pleasant and easy to bear.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭28‬-‭30‬ ‭TPT‬‬